Continuant. Part four.

We’re in my house, but not quite, we’ll say his house. I lift my younger version and set him on his couch. His face is covered in blood, I should clean it up, but I don’t. Walking over to the cabinet I pour myself a glass of vodka, the bastard was out of limes. I make a note in my head to buy limes when this is all over. I walk my way through the house drinking. It seems so spotless, it won’t remain this way for very much longer, I make another mental note to clean my house when this is, well yeah. I sit down at the open laptop, I read over the journal entry, god, I am pretty good at propagated typos, see, I am bad at jokes. I fix a few, maybe I should go back in time and start editing these things. After reading through it I fix what need to be. As if I almost forgot, a slip of the mind, I remember where I needed to go, a hope to restore. I save the draft on the computer and walk back into the living room. The younger me shifts, like a shadow on the couch. The note falls out of his pocket so I stuff it back in. I walk and drink the rest of the vodka. I make it to the kitchen sink and rinse off the glass. Setting it on the counter I look around for something to snack on, not finding anything I head to the place where I needed to be.

The ocean claps its applause at its mere existence, happy to be, being to be happy. I watch him walk into her clasping arms. They pull at his feet, then at his ankles, and so on. He walks more and more into salty madness. I pull the flask from my back pocket. Putting my lips to the metal I think of Yumi, dammit. I yell for me or him. “Come back to us!” I say. I feel foolish for yelling ‘us’, but I repeat the words. I hear him curse off in the distance. He comes trudging back. I want to smile, but I wash it with a drink. With a slouched back and clenched fists he yells at me as he walks up the beach. “What the fuck is it now?!” I bring the flask down and yell back  “I will tell you like I’ve been told, you can’t simply run from this. It is how it is, time works the way it works, you and I both know that.” he closes the distance ever still when I take the second drink I’ve been wanting. The burn is cool and hot at the same time, satisfying. I extend my arm with the flask in hand. “To destroying ourselves.” I say, and he takes it.

We talk about nothing but everything, he asks me about the road ahead, what will become of him. I skip over his questions, each one, each the same. “I could give you the answers now, and believe me I want to, but because regardless of how it changes, we must weather it, and take our actions for what they are.” I tip the flask back and the contents drain into my mouth, I swallow my words with the whiskey, they both burn. I throw the empty flask towards the sea, but it splashes down into the sand. Disappointed I turn to him and with a buzzed head and a buzzed tongue I speak. “I know it’s tough, though it’s not impossible, you need to pick yourself up and head back home. There are far too many things in this world you still need to do.” I set my hand on his shoulder squeezing slightly then continue “The number of people you’ll save out number those that you want to save. We all have to have sacrifices.” I take my device in my hand and go to the spot where I needed to meet Raisin and my parents.

I call for Raisin, I call for someone. The moon gives everything a pale grey. I walk around the barn, it’s wood dry and broken, but yet it couldn’t be very old. I run my fingers on it feeling the rough textures when I get a splinter. The grey turns to orange, a fire ahead, a bonfire. I pull at the splinter with my teeth using the flickering light. I smell a memorable smell, but can’t quite place it. I trip on something with my finger in my mouth. I fall down, my head hits a rock or something as hard.

I come to and my lips feel greasy as if I just ate a stack of ribs. I rub the throb in my head and call out for Raisin once again. I wait for an answer but never get one. I pick myself up eyes closed, head throbbing, finger hurting. I just wanted to see them, I couldn’t be early, we planned this, dammit. I open my eyes when I am upright once more and try to focus on the thing I tripped on. I begin to call for Raisin once more when our eyes meet.